Many people still don’t believe me whenever I say that I’m okay, that I’m fine and that I didn’t cry anymore after that emotional breakdown last week. Yes, I was hurt. Hurt by something that I haven’t completely confirmed yet because I was too scared to ask. Maybe I’m just creating a stupid scenario that will further jeopardize friendships. Or maybe I’m overreacting again. But then I have my reasons… You see, I’ve been tied down with this emotion for several years now and sad to say, I’ve neglected a lot of people because I was so engrossed with the feeling. Was it really the feeling or the person? Until now, that still remains a mystery. But I’m pretty much sure that it was real. It was love. It IS love.
Last week, I deleted every email he sent me ever since we met. Did I feel good after that? No. All I got was a tiny bit of space to breathe in. Deleting all those messages was like giving up a long-time dream. I held on to it for so many years and now I feel like a totally different person without it. I guess this is the reason why my parents never gave me fairy tale books when I was a kid. Fairy tale endings aren’t real. Well, they are for some people but probably not in my case. Now, I have seemed to forget why but I will always remember how. The battle… The hardships… Above all else, how I loved. It’s something that I will never forget and regret.
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