Doon sa Tambo August 24, 2009

Naniniwala ka ba sa shooting stars?

*Long pause*

“Hindi,” sabi ng katabi ko sa kanan.
At ang sabi ko naman, “Science major ako eh.”

Tumingin ulit ako sa langit. Nagbabakasakaling makakita ulit ng isa pang shooting star. Anim na kasi ang nakita ng katabi ko sa kaliwa, ako isa palang. Hindi naman ako nagwiwish. Gusto ko lang yung feeling na nakakakita ng shooting star. Nakikiuso kumbaga.

Dumapa ako’t, tumingin sa kaliwa at pumikit. Matinding pagod ang nararamdaman ko dahil umakyat kami ng bundok ng mga kaibigan ko. Bukod pa dun, naiwan ang isip ko sa Maynila. Nag-aalala ako sa pamilya ko, ang dahilan ng pag-sakripisyo’t pag-akyat ko ng bundok. Minulat ko ang aking mga mata. Ang katabi ko’y nakadapa rin pala’t nakapikit tulad ko. Nakaharap siya sa akin. Pumikit akong muli at huminga ng malalim. May naiwan din pala ako sa kaniya. Biglang naglaro sa isip ko ang kanta ng Spongecola na Gemini. Pero bago pa ako matuksong hawakan ang kaniyang mukha’t guluhin ang mapayapa niyang estado, humarap ako sa kabila. Nag-aabang pa rin ng shooting stars ang kaibigan ko. Nainggit ako’t tumingin na lang muli sa langit. Nagbabakasakaling matupad ang hiling na balang-araw ito ay mauulit.

I have, I still, and I always will… August 15, 2009

Many people still don’t believe me whenever I say that I’m okay, that I’m fine and that I didn’t cry anymore after that emotional breakdown last week. Yes, I was hurt. Hurt by something that I haven’t completely confirmed yet because I was too scared to ask. Maybe I’m just creating a stupid scenario that will further jeopardize friendships. Or maybe I’m overreacting again. But then I have my reasons… You see, I’ve been tied down with this emotion for several years now and sad to say, I’ve neglected a lot of people because I was so engrossed with the feeling. Was it really the feeling or the person? Until now, that still remains a mystery. But I’m pretty much sure that it was real. It was love. It IS love.

Last week, I deleted every email he sent me ever since we met. Did I feel good after that? No. All I got was a tiny bit of space to breathe in. Deleting all those messages was like giving up a long-time dream. I held on to it for so many years and now I feel like a totally different person without it. I guess this is the reason why my parents never gave me fairy tale books when I was a kid. Fairy tale endings aren’t real. Well, they are for some people but probably not in my case. Now, I have seemed to forget why but I will always remember how. The battle… The hardships… Above all else, how I loved. It’s something that I will never forget and regret.

Ang dami talagang epal sa mundo August 12, 2009

SORRY NAMAN DI AKO MAKA-GET OVER.

ALAM MO KUYA, DI TAYO CLOSE PARA MAGBIGAY KA NG GANYANG REMARK. HINDI MO AKO KILALA. NI HINDI NGA TAYO NAGUUSAP PAG NAGKIKITA TAYO SA MGA OKASYON. KUNG SINO MAN ANG NAGFIFEED SA’YO NG MGA GANYANG IMPORMASYON AT KUNG PINAGUUSAPAN NIYO MAN AKO, BUHAY NIYO NA LANG ANG PAG-USAPAN NIYO OKAY?! AYOKO MADAMAY SA KA-IMMATURE-AN NIYO, PUWEDE BA?!

The Fight is Over by Urbandub August 5, 2009

When the fighting is over
Coz our mouths have just run dry
As our feelings get colder
There’s nothing to hold us now
Gave all this time just to be let down

Can you explain to me
What has become of us?
With words released
We can never take them back
Not even pleading can save us

I know you’ll meet someone better
But would you still think of me?
If she can’t hold you like I did
Would you run back to me?
Yes I know this pain shall pass
Gave all this time still we couldn’t last

Explain to me
What has become of us?
With words released
We can never take them back
For all that we’re worth now
Not even pleading can save us

How did we end this way?
Our promises thrown away
All the years we built, broken up
See it crashing down
I have to say
Though alone in this crazy sea of faces
It’s still your face I wanna know

Explain to me
What has become of us?
With words released
We can never take them back
For all that were worth now
Not even pleading can save us
Can’t save us now

The fighting is over
The fighting is over
The fighting is over
The fighting is over now…

3 steps forward August 3, 2009

I have the answers to my questions. GREAT! At least, alam ko na ngayon ang next move. Finally. Thank you Lord! Thank You!!! :_

Nakakatrauma lang keri? August 2, 2009

I got stood up twice today.

Bebeh and I were supposed to meet yesterday but she cancelled it because of some changes with her plan. So she told me that she would hear mass with me today. However, she texted at around 3am saying that she couldn’t make it because she’s sick. Okay lang so I went with my sister instead.

This afternoon, I went to Araneta to watch the UST vs. DLSU game with Jess, one of my co-trainees who’s from La Salle. I was so excited because it’s my first time to watch a live game this season. During game 1, Ron texted and said we could meet at Gateway. Since I was there already, I said yes. He told me to meet him up at Fullybooked Gateway between 5pm-6pm. The first game went on overtime twice so the main game started late. It was already 5:30pm when the 2nd quarter of the main game ended. And so I left Araneta. While I was walking towards Fullybooked, I received a text message from Ron and he said that he couldn’t meet me anymore. I was dumbfounded. Since I couldn’t go back to Araneta anymore to watch the rest of the game, I decided to go home and tried to keep my composure as much as I can. You see, I’m not the type of person who knows how to handle anger. Whenever I become angry, I just cry. So there I was… Teary-eyed… I just texted Jess to apologize for leaving him there. ALONE.

Palits and I are going out tomorrow night. I hope nothing goes wrong. Baka hindi ko na ma-handle if ever I get stood up again. *sigh*

JELETTE FTW!

UST lost btw.

I know right????

Excess: Habang naglalakad ako papuntang jeepney terminal pauwi ng Crame, kumanta na lang ako sa isip ko ng Your Heart Today. Yun siguro dahilan kung bakit kinanta yun kanina sa misa. Haha!

Grant me compassion that I may be Your heart today…

So true. August 1, 2009

I passed CCT! Yay! [Deo Gratias!] It’s quite sad though that one of us got booted out. The PST will start next week. Our schedule will be from 9pm-6am. I hope I’ll be able to adjust myself to our new schedule. *sigh*

Nothing is sweeter than having friends who make you laugh when the world seems crumbling down right in front of you. Salamat sa aking paredudetsong na si Jesser. I feel so loved.

Kung di kawalan, pabayaan. (Vivas & Coz, 2009)

Missing Icy and Jerome so much.